How do we find a way back to our best selves during these pandemic times?
I don’t know about you, but I’ve been in a funk. It feels like I’ve been floating above my life watching the cast of characters and events unfold without being involved. Now if you know me, you know this is the furthest from my life’s mission. As a mindfulness development coach, I spend my days and nights helping people to be present. I know that living in the past fuels my depression and living in the future only heightens my anxiety. This is not me. So I’ve been trying to figure out what this is. Is it the stress of the unknown? Is it boredom that’s lead to apathy? Is it fear? Why all of a sudden do I feel like an uninvested observer of my life? And more importantly, how do I get back to the pre-pandemic me? Is there such a thing?
Life is different now, or at least that’s what we keep telling ourselves. Is it true? Absolutely! I can’t go to the store without “taking a risk” or sign my kid up for camp without stirring a great debate inside myself. We are living in a state of constantly prioritizing our fears and weighing the risks. Depending on who you listen to, our fear is either unjustified or not cautious enough. And if you’re like me, you probably feel like safety or sanity are your only two options. So how does one make a decision? Especially when there are so many sides out there yet no real evidence or proof.
The rational side of my brain knows that each day is a gift, yet my emotional brain sees it as a struggle. My rational brain knows that I can handle whatever life throws at me and yet my emotional brain is just tired. I feel worn out, bored, disinterested in the things that used to bring me joy. I’m missing my solitude, missing the energy exchange of human interaction. I’m missing the ease of my life prior to the pandemic and grieve for a time that things felt right. How do I get back there?
Although I don’t have all the answers, I do have the mindfulness training to know a few things to be true.
1-I have a choice.
I can choose stress or I can see it as a challenge. I can see the countless decisions or perhaps make the most of these opportunities. I can see the present as different and therefore want to change it or I can embrace it as the “new normal” and know that I will adapt. I can let it overwhelm instead of excite me. The choice is mine (and yours) to make over and over again. And with mindfulness, the best thing is, even if we react one way now, we can choose differently later. I’m not perfect; I make mistakes. I snap at my husband and get annoyed with my kids. A practice in mindfulness allows us a “reset” a “redo” and to begin again when we choose. But most importantly, it strengthens my awareness and confidence to choose an “imperfect” plan to move forward and trust I can always adjust as needed.
2-What we practice grows stronger!
For years, in fact most of my life, I practiced worry. I was so good at worrying that I didn’t even know there was a different way to be. Mindfulness helped me to realize that worry doesn’t fix anything which is why one of my favorite quotes, “Worry doesn’t solve tomorrow’s problems it only steals today’s happiness,” is plastered on my bathroom mirror.
As with any change in life or routine, we need to be careful what we practice. We need to watch our habits, both old and new, and be sure they serve us and ultimately those we love. Clearly my kids need a mom who’s looking out for their safety right now, but they also need the distraction of fun and laughter and the opportunity to experience joy and love, even though I may have to work harder to provide it.
Whether these habits are internal or external, neurology has taught us that what fires together, wires together. If I always respond to stress or a negative thought by indulging or reacting harshly, that becomes my brain’s automatic reaction to overwhelm. Yet if I respond with a pause, be it a breath, a sip of water or a walk through the garden, I’m re-wiring my brain to respond compassionately and modeling self-care for my kids. (BOOM!)
3- In times when I feel hardened and overwhelmed as an adult, I try to embrace my inner child.
In mindfulness we call it having a “beginner’s mind,” meaning we relate to our experiences with curiosity and without judgment. We “see” things as if for the first time and can find amazement in the simplest of things and times. I often get so busy adulting, that I can forget to play or worse, resist play because I tell myself I don’t have time. As with anything in life and leisure, we make time rather than “find” time. Making the conscious choice to play, laugh, be silly and be curious is something I frequently need to schedule, but I’m never remiss when I do. Seeing the world through a child’s eyes helps me to put things in perspective and cultivate joy.
There is no denying that it’s hard to be human and the pandemic has only intensified this!
No matter what your job, finances, beliefs and situation, the world needs you. When we retreat into our small, safe places, we stop showing up for those who need us most. Mindfulness not only provides us with powerful practices to relax, feel calmer and sleep better, it shows us the way to happiness, success and self-love.